...when I was a teen, the goal for my peers in my small town was to party >>> what could we get away with on the weekends, after school, before school, during scholl and school functions; and there were other levels: those who smoked pot, those who smoked pot AND drank, and those who were more than happy to try/do anything...those levels would ebb & flow, intersect and run parallel with one another, and I actually was pretty tame compared to most.
I went off to college and wanted to find the fun, and I did; went off to grad school and dove into drinking bc that was mostly all that was available since I was finally of age to legally be able to drink, though I was never in the position to ever have unfettered access to unlimited supplies of it, because I could never afford that...within 5 years after, I found myself married and pregnant, so I stopped drinking & smoking. 3 years later, I was pregnant again & mourning the death of my grandmother, so I stopped drinking again. The postpartum depression was wicked, and I just drowned myself in alcohol as much as I could.
At some point, I had a revelation that I was grievously abusing alcohol & if I continued drinking at that level, I would, in very short order, be a raging alcoholic...I had many friends who were, I had several who were dead bc of alcohol and some from other drugs.
But if anyone would have told me to my face that I had a problem, I would have denied it. I might have even taken great offense, bc I am stubborn. To my own disservice in many ways.
In my mind, it was a very clear fork in the road, though...so I basically talked myself off the ledge and took stock of my health. My mental health & physical health. I did the sober week/month/year cycles, and I felt great, got into therapy and worked thru a ton of issues. I was basically scared straight bc I loved my kids.
My own marriage fell apart after 18 years, but my kids turned out great, & I am so much better.
I feel your advice here to this husband is good advice.
Secret.... Hotty, are one of my favorite people.
Oops. Holly.
...when I was a teen, the goal for my peers in my small town was to party >>> what could we get away with on the weekends, after school, before school, during scholl and school functions; and there were other levels: those who smoked pot, those who smoked pot AND drank, and those who were more than happy to try/do anything...those levels would ebb & flow, intersect and run parallel with one another, and I actually was pretty tame compared to most.
I went off to college and wanted to find the fun, and I did; went off to grad school and dove into drinking bc that was mostly all that was available since I was finally of age to legally be able to drink, though I was never in the position to ever have unfettered access to unlimited supplies of it, because I could never afford that...within 5 years after, I found myself married and pregnant, so I stopped drinking & smoking. 3 years later, I was pregnant again & mourning the death of my grandmother, so I stopped drinking again. The postpartum depression was wicked, and I just drowned myself in alcohol as much as I could.
At some point, I had a revelation that I was grievously abusing alcohol & if I continued drinking at that level, I would, in very short order, be a raging alcoholic...I had many friends who were, I had several who were dead bc of alcohol and some from other drugs.
But if anyone would have told me to my face that I had a problem, I would have denied it. I might have even taken great offense, bc I am stubborn. To my own disservice in many ways.
In my mind, it was a very clear fork in the road, though...so I basically talked myself off the ledge and took stock of my health. My mental health & physical health. I did the sober week/month/year cycles, and I felt great, got into therapy and worked thru a ton of issues. I was basically scared straight bc I loved my kids.
My own marriage fell apart after 18 years, but my kids turned out great, & I am so much better.
I feel your advice here to this husband is good advice.
Thank you for giving your advice the way you did.