I’ve been dropped and dumped yet again, but fortune smiles upon me when I get offered a holiday gig as The Swan Princess at the Marc Jacob’s store on Melrose.
My job is to wear a white, couture gown and sit in a giant boat made to look like a swan. Sometimes a man dressed as a little drummer boy joins me in the boat. There is also a photographer set up, and celebrities and other locals come in and take pictures with us. Often they bring their wide eyed or screaming children in, to sit on our laps. I’m basically Santa. I probably smell like a mall santa too, considering I spend my nights at Teddy’s and Hyde getting wasted on booze, blow and H — chain-smoking Parliaments and waking up in stranger’s beds.
Still, I make it to the Swan boat on time most days, often sans shower, stinking up my gown that has never been dry cleaned. Within a week the hem turns black, as does the boning on the inside of my corset. Upon arrival, I curl up and sleep it off until som…
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