Idols

For my 19th birthday, my boyfriend flew me to New York City to meet him after his tour.  He was older than me, at thirty-seven, but he was kind of a rockstar, and our maturity levels were well matched. I had obsessed over him all year long, since first meeting, and fought tooth and nail to make him mine. He began secretly dating me, (secret due to my teen-age) and then left town and had an affair with a famous actress. (Which I had the most gut-wrenching experience of finding out about, in an US weekly magazine)  When he returned and professed his love to me, it was like the sky opened up and God himself smiled down upon me. Finally, I was chosen. He was an impossible man to pin down, a real prize in my eyes, and conquering him made me feel worthy in the world. If he could love me, then maybe I could love me too.

He had booked us a room at the Howard Johnson Hotel, on Houston, on the lower east side. It was the first time anyone had ever flown me anywhere, and the first time I had ever…