F*me is a Four Letter Word

And more on my identity crisis.

“I gotta say, I just love to watch you on film.”

My meditation teacher looks at me adoringly, eyes twinkling, voice laden with syrupy earnestness. Yesterday when he told me he was a big fan, I kind of thought he was maybe just saying that. Like, he googled me, saw I was in the entertainment world, therefore was acknowledging that. Now, I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m someone else.

Still, his level of sincerity makes me second guess myself. Meditation teachers ought not be fake or lie, right? After our session, I get into my car and google myself, trying to remember if I’ve ever been in a film. I know I’ve had songs in movies. I’ve appeared in maybe four or five episodes of television, in like, quick mini scenes. I doubt he’s referring to this. Maybe a Bud Light commercial I was in, like ten years ago? The internet assures me I’ve not appeared physically in a film, other than a short that got made and never finished.

I tell my friend.

“Maybe he’s seeing the future,” she says. “Or he watches …