Failing

A life update.

Hi.

I got rejected from Modern Love, again. I lost my day job. That cute guy who asked for my phone number never called — times two. The ceiling is caving in. I am obliterated. Seems I’ve fallen flat on my stupid face. (Metaphorically, this time.)

How have I blundered so epically? What did I do to deserve this level of complete and utter failure? Is this my flop era? How will I overcome this public humiliation? (Public, only in that I am telling you about it.) Really, I’d prefer this embarrassing chapter of loser-dom stay private, while I cry quietly from the place where I like to hide, beneath my bed.

I was going to not say anything because I’d rather you see me as one who sparkles and thrives day and night, always. My star is rising, money falls from the sky, all the boys love me, and everything I write is a hit. Rainbows shoot out from my asshole too.

Of course, in the course of a life, to only win would be fantastically boring. But my very worst fear in life is being seen as desperat…