Embodied

I didn’t know I wasn’t in my body. I’ve written and talked about feeling disembodied. I am very aware of many times when I have left my body, usually for good reason. But to discover that I was genuinely not inside of myself, and just kind of floating around above my human form, was quite a shock.

How could one know such a thing? We rarely think of the oxygen that surrounds us or the gravity that holds us to the earth. Fish likely never contemplate the water in which they swim. I knew something was off. Something about my physical pursuits, never quite fully coming to fruition. And that eerie feeling of being closer on the spectrum of life and death to that of a ghost, than any of the people I know. The feeling of not being fully real. Fully realized.

I don’t know when I left for good. Apparently at one point, I’d had enough of coming and going and I finally just packed my bags and said bon voyage, peace- out, it is not safe to be in there anymore. Way too scary.

Today I had my first eve…