AM I AN INCEL?

When intentional celibacy turns involuntary.

This is the face of an Incel.

“Can I ask you about being celibate?”

My friend rings me up to inquire how one might achieve, be, or try this no-sex-thing out. Is it a lifestyle? Is it a thing you can read about or get a sponsor for?

Initially, I giggle at the fact that I’m some kind of authority on the matter seeing as I used to “fuck like a man”, unapologetically, often unfeeling. I have written extensively about sex and not having sex, specifically about becoming more intentional when it comes to it all. It’s not such a stretch that I’d be the one to receive a call of this nature. But then I feel myself get weirdly defensive.

“I have had sex recently,” I say, even though it’s not pertinent to our conversation. He’s talking about his thing, his reasons for asking, and I’m counting on my fingers the number of sexual partners and number of times I’ve had sex in the past seven years, since I got sober. Since I vowed to take some time sans anything that I could possibly misuse or abuse. It wa…